


open home, open heart

by princessizzy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Just a lot of feels and not good enough writing, Liam crys a lot, Like A Lot A Lot, M/M, No Smut, Zayn does not want to, Ziam takes care of a child, all fluff basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 11:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3173102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessizzy/pseuds/princessizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>liam and zayn apply to foster a child in preparation for adoption, but zayn's not sure he can be a father forever, let alone for a week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	open home, open heart

**Author's Note:**

> ummm this is dedicated to pa bc she named the baby also she loves ziam thx

Two years it's been, Zayn reckons, since him and Liam had discussed getting a child of their own. Two years since Zayn had said the word "adoption" and Liam had teared up like the ball of mush that he was. Liam had always wanted a child, always wanted a little tyke he could take to movies, and sing to bed, and coach through bad dreams. Liam's been the one with bad dreams of growing too old to raise a child, though, so two years ago, for his birthday, Zayn called the adoption agency and put them in for a kid. Today was finally the day.

Liam's panicked, running around the small flat with a duster and child locks, making sure everything is neat, tidy, and exceptionally baby-proofed. Zayn sighs loudly, taking a sip of the beer in his hand as he watches the football game on the telly. He doesn't even like either of the teams; he's just trying not to freak out.

"Would it kill you to help out a bit?" Liam asks, huffing and bending down to dust behind the stove. "The baby's gonna be here any minute."

Zayn wants to get up and help Liam, wants to dust in ridiculous places he didn't even know he could get to, but he's afraid if he stands up, his knees will crumble beneath him. "Li, I-"

"Look, Zayn," Liam asserts, placing his hands on his hips and mistaking Zayn's quiet anxiety with an uncaring attitude. "I know he's not ours, per se, but he's still ours. Just a foster kid in need of temporary housing, sure, but he's a trial for us, babe. To see how we'd do as parents."

Nodding, Zayn tells himself to just put the beer gently on the table and push off the couch, but the buzzer goes off before he can do any of that, and, the next thing he knows, the can is launched in the air and the liquid spills all over him as a loud "fuck!" escapes his lips. Liam hisses, shooing him to the bedroom to change into something less beer-soaked, and Zayn climbs the stairs to do just that.

Zayn strips to just his boxers and looks himself over in the mirror. He's used to his size, his stature, his everything, but looking at his reflection now yields something new. Something's not right. Is it his tattoos? His hair? He suddenly thinks maybe he's not ready to be a father. He had told himself he would never be here. It wasn't that he wasn't equip to be a father (because everyone told him he was good with kids), but it was more the fact that he didn't think he'd make a good dad. He was still figuring himself out, it's not like he needed someone else to figure out as well.

"Z!" Liam shouts from down the hall, obviously anxious. Zayn realizes he's been gone for a while, and haphazardly throws on a loose white t-shirt that skims across his collarbones and a pair of black jeans he finds balled up in the corner of the room. He thinks he's going to throw up. He decides to march back to Liam and tell him he's not ready, that they moved too quickly.

And Zayn is certain he's going to do just that. Puffing out his chest and pushing open the door, he makes his way down the hall, feeling confident in his steps. "Li, I've come to a conclusion," he starts. "I think maybe..."

But before he can finish, Liam's giving him a face like a fish out of water, and Zayn sees why. A little girl turns around slowly, her light, thin blonde hair twisting as she does. She's not the child they requested (unless, of course, she was secretly a little boy), and Liam looks worse than Zayn did moments before. The boy stands stiff, feeling like the air's been knocked out of him for just a second. If he thought he wouldn't make a good father for a boy, that feeling had just grown tenfold. It wasn't that he didn't know how to act around a girl (he had grown up with sisters), it's just that this wasn't how he thought he would start fatherhood. He figured a boy would be easier. He and Liam knew what boys were like, what boys liked. Neither of them knew about girls.

"This is Taylor," Liam nearly whispers, and his voice sounds like it's crumbling to pieces as he speaks them. "Tell him 'ow old you are Taylor."  
The little girl smiles, oblivious to the tension around her. She's missing a few teeth, Zayn notes, and he thinks it's the most adorable thing in the world. Holding out five fingers, the girl beams. "Four!"

Zayn smiles softly, and Liam looks like he's going to melt. Maybe a girl wouldn't be so bad after all, they think, at least until they nudge her to go upstairs to the room they cleaned out for her. Walking to the steps, the girl stares at them, obviously thinking something over.

"Help up!" she shouts, and Liam picks her up from behind as she screams and giggles all the way up the stairs. Once they've finally arrived, Liam urges her to look around the room for a bit. She nods, agreeing, and enters.

"Zayn," Liam begins. He knows that tone: a warning. "I know she's not what we requested, but remember she's not a permanent fixture. Probably will only be here for about a week or so. Nothing crazy. Plus, look at her, she adorable."

"Where're her parents?" Zayn asks, examining the floor and avoiding eye contact.

Liam swallows. "Mum's dead. Died of an overdose of heroin, or cocaine, or summat. Dad's been a right alcoholic ever since."

"Jesus Christ," Zayn cringes. "For real?"

"That's what the social worker said."

Zayn shakes his head, and their conversation is interrupted by a quiet "up! up!" coming from inside the room. They peek in, noticing the young girl trying to climb up on the bed. Liam looks at Zayn and he shrugs. They had been expecting an older kid, of course, so they had gotten a big bed. Liam exhales, shaking his head, before tiptoeing into the room and helping her up with a forced smile on his face. Zayn watches them and wonders whether any family they may have would be forced. Liam flops on the bed next to the girl and she giggles, the forced expression on the older man's face turning to a genuine one. He calls Zayn into the room, but the slender man just shakes his head and pushes off from the door frame, walking the other way towards his and Liam's bedroom. He doesn't budge for the rest of the day.

Zayn doesn't know what time it is when Liam finally tromps into the bedroom and collapses on the bed. Zayn touches his shoulder, but the other man flinches away. He mad at Zayn. Of course he is. Zayn would be mad at Zayn, too. In a few moments, Liam is under the covers and lays with his back to the other man. There's silence for just a minute, before Zayn breaks it.

"Y'know, you're supposed to read one story to her and then walk away."  
Liam rolls over and, even in the dark, Zayn knows he's glaring at him. "I couldn't leave. She kept asking for another. She wouldn't go to sleep."

Zayn chuckles and tries reaching out for the boy again, but Liam once again rejects the embrace. "Do you hate her?" he asks.

"No, Li, I don't hate her," Zayn sighs. "Not at all."

"Why wouldn't you hang around her?" Liam retorts. "I know she's not the older boy we asked for, but..."

"I just... it's not that, love," Zayn tries to find the words, but can't seem to form the sentence. "I don't... I'm not sure that... I think I'd be a rubbish dad."

Liam's face softens and Zayn catches something in his eyes for a second. An unspoken promise, perhaps. A silent statement. But before he can say anything, he's curled up in Liam's arms, the back of his head right below the other man's, his back against his chest.

Zayn giggles, playing an attempt to wiggle out of his lover's arms. "Hey! I'm always the big spoon!"

Liam returns the laugh, and his arms tighten around Zayn. "Even big spoons need to be little spoons sometimes, Z. Everyone needs to feel protected."

Zayn is quiet, and enjoys the feeling of being held by someone for a change. The silence returns to the room, but it is more comfortable this time, and his breath begins to even out as he drifts into the blackness of sleep.

"You're gonna be a great dad, baby," Liam whispers into Zayn's ear just as he's almost gone. "She gonna love you. I know I do."

Zayn thinks he wants to kiss Liam, but sleep overcomes him before he gets the chance.

***

The next day goes by incredibly fast. It's Wednesday, so little Taylor is woken up a bit before school by Zayn, who Liam encouraged to do more for the girl. Her clothes are picked out by Zayn, and her hair is pulled delicately back into pigtails by Zayn. Taylor doesn't say much, but neither does Zayn. He thinks he's doing alright for his first run at being a dad. It's just like being a big brother. He's got this.

Liam had volunteered to cook breakfast, so when the two parade down the hallway, it smells like bacon and eggs. Zayn smiles, his favorite. Taylor is still quiet. Once they're in the kitchen, Zayn kisses Liam on lips and shows him his good work as a dresser. Liam nods encouragingly and turns his attention to Taylor.

"Ready for your first day of school, Taylor?"

Taylor's face lights up, and she begins talking a mile a minute about school and her favorite courses and anything she can really think to mention. And suddenly Zayn's heart plummets, his breathing nearly stops. Why was she so quiet with him, but not with Liam? He thinks maybe it's because she's eaten, but she's eerily silent once again when Zayn drives her to school.

"She hates me," he admits to Liam when he gets home. "Bloody hates me. Wouldn't say one word to me."

"She doesn't hate you, Z," Liam assures him. "She just needs to warm up to you."

Zayn thinks maybe Liam is right, but he still leaves most of the parenting to Liam. The next few days are the same. Zayn wakes Taylor up, and she's silent, but as soon as she lays eyes on Liam, she's chattier than the woman 'round the corner who can never stop gossiping. He thinks she definitely hates him, and he resigns to reading his comic books in his bedroom instead of trying to hang out with the young girl.

It's next Tuesday when Zayn wakes Taylor up and is surprised by the girl. She rubs her eyes and yawns like normal, but smiles up at him when she is finally awake. He is shocked and smiles back, happy the girl seems excited to see him. And, to surprise Zayn even more, the girl reaches out and touches his tattoo while he's helping her into her dress.

"Zap!" she exclaims, forcefully poking his arm. "Zap! Zap!"

At first Zayn's brows furrow, but his expression softens when he realizes what she's doing. "You like my tattoos, princess?"

"Zap! Zap!" she replies, giggling.

And when she comes home from school, she's much more open to being around Zayn. When he tries to wiggle away from the discomfort of Liam playing house with the girl, she follows him upstairs. He's deep into an issue of Spiderman he's read already before he looks up and notices the little girl in the doorway.

"Zap!" she giggles, running towards Zayn and bumping into the side of the bed. Zayn laughs, before picking her up and placing her in between his outstretched legs.

"Wanna read with me?" he asks her, abandoning his page and flipping back to the beginning when she nods.

When Liam finally finishes enjoying his moment of solitude, he hurries upstairs to find the little girl, but instead finds a scene that makes his heart melt. Taylor leans into Zayn's chest and points at pictures in the comic book while Zayn reads out loud, complete with funny voices and sound effects. The girl is laughing, and Zayn is beaming, and Liam actually does cry this time.

That night, Zayn tells Liam that maybe Taylor doesn't hate him as much as he thought she did, and that she's okay. Liam let's Zayn be the little spoon again and falls asleep to the thought of having their own little permanent family one day. Zayn falls asleep wondering if being a dad means Liam crying all the time. He certainly doesn't want that.

***

Taylor goes off to school as normal the next day, smiling at Zayn and saying nothing but "zap!" when he asks her a question. But when she gets home, it's a different story. There's an extra person at the table that Zayn doesn't recognize, and who Liam introduces as Margaret, the social worker. Zayn is suddenly very confused, and helps Taylor take off her backpack before telling her to go play upstairs for a little bit. He sits down next to Liam and softly takes the other boy's hand.

"Zayn, Margaret's here because they've found another home for Taylor," Liam says.

And Zayn knows he should be happy that the girl is leaving, glad that maybe now they can get the older boy they wanted. He knows that all of this work has just been to assess them as potential parents, that Taylor was never meant for them. But there's the same feeling nagging in Zayn that he felt the first day Taylor showed up. The feeling something isn't right, that something's wrong. Like there's something he can't do, that he's not meant to do.

"You're going to take her away, then?" Zayn asks, and Margaret nods.

"Will it take long to pack her bags?," the woman starts. "She's got to go fairly quickly. And, of course, you all seem to have done incredibly well as parents. She seems quite healthy and happy here, from what little I saw of her. I'll be putting in a good recommendation for you all."

"Zap!" Taylor's voice sounds from the door frame of the living room, and Liam looks like he's going to cry again.

He shuffles over and picks her up, and she immediately burrows into his chest. "Hey, pumpkin. Do you remember Miss Margaret? She's going to take you to another home. You'll get to meet some new, fun people. Are you excited?"

Taylor looks at Liam with wide eyes, and there's definitely a tear on his cheek.

"New people?" Taylor asks. "No new people. Stay here!"

"Oh, Taylor," Liam sighs. "You can't stay here, baby. You're going to get new parents."

"No!" she shouts and kicks, causing Liam to put her down. "No! No! Zap! Zap!"

And Liam and Zayn are looking at her with a puzzled expression.

"What is she on about?" Margaret asks, looking at the men. "What's zap?"

"Zap!" the girl cries again. "Stay with Zap!"

Margaret's face scrunches up in confusion. "Zap is a person, then? Alright, Taylor. Who's Zap?"

There's a silence in the house that feels like the moment before it rains, where the clouds reach their breaking point of holding all the water, but they haven't given up just yet. Like there's about to be a flood, but it's still dry.

"Zap!" Taylor replies repeats, pointing at Zayn. "Stay with Zap!"

And then there is a flood, and, like a cow before rain, Liam knows it's coming. His arms are around Zayn before Zayn can even comprehend what's just happened. But then he does. And he's sobbing. He's weeping so much he can't see anything, and he knows he's making a fool out of himself in front of the social worker, but he doesn't care. He's done it, he figures. He's done it.

Margaret watches the scene as if she's watching a bomb go off. She doesn't know what to do, so she focuses on the girl.

"Taylor," she coos. "Do you like being here?"

Taylor nods with her whole body, as young children do. "Love it! Love Zap! Love daddy and Zap!"

Liam's crying now too. What a mess, Zayn figures.

Margaret shoos the girl back upstairs and she obeys. The woman manages to get the couple sitting back down and mostly quiet.

"There is, of course, an option to keep the child, if you so choose to. There's the opportunity to adopt."

Liam's drying his tears and trying to catch Zayn's eyes, but they both know the answer, and Margaret pulls out her mobile to make a call.

***

"The end," Liam finishes, shutting the book and tucking Taylor into the bed she's been in for the last week. Into the bed she'll sleep in for the weeks to come. Her bed.

"Daddy?" Taylor asks, and Liam beams at her.

"Yes, baby?"

"Zap read too?" she asks, her eyes wide.

"Hmm, just for tonight, pumpkin. A special occasion."

She nods, and Liam ducks out of the room to call Zayn in. The lanky boy saunters in with a comic book under his arm, obviously having been interrupted.

"What's up?" he hums, looking at Liam.

"Zap!" Taylor cries.

"Your daughter wants you to read to her. I told her just tonight you would," Liam smiles.  
Zayn nods and plops down on the bed next to Taylor, placing the comic book on her bed stand. "What do you want to hear, princess?"

Taylor rubs her chin, and Zayn laughs, looking to Liam who is doing just the same as the little girl. He blushes and quickly removes his hand from his beard.

"Spiderman!" Taylor replies, pointing to the comic book on the bedside table, and Zayn looks at her.

"You sure, baby?" he asks.

She nods, reaching for the book with both hands, and she settles into Zayn's chest as he opens the thin pages. There's suddenly a weight in his chest again, but it's different than the first two times. He doesn't feel like anything's missing, that he can't do something; rather, he feels like he can do anything. Zayn feels like he's where he's supposed to be with the people he's supposed to be with doing the thing he's supposed to do.

This time Taylor does the sound effects, giggling the whole time, before she falls asleep slumped onto Zayn's chest. And when Zayn wakes up the next morning, Taylor's still there, her arms outstretched in the bed that's too big for her. He thinks that he can be a good dad. That he is a good dad.

Taylor smiles when Zayn wakes her up for school, and he thinks that, yeah, he could be this little girl's dad for the rest of his life. He could be her Zap.


End file.
